I am grumpy. I am not entirely sure why. It is kind of ironic since my last post talked about how happiness is a choice. So, I guess, I choose to be grumpy today. I think I am tired which always seems to make it worse. I also had a TON of sugar last night at Enrichment which probably has something to do with it. (The crash after the sugar high) I feel like there are a thousand things that I am trying to do that are essential. I need to be organized, not just so that my house will sparkle but just so that we can find the things we need in every day life. I need to read to my kids more. Audrey is falling behind her class and Rachel does not know all of her letter sounds and some of the kids in her class are already reading! I feel overwhelmed and guilty that I have not done better for my girls. How are they ever going to succeed if I can't get my act together and make sure that they are where they need to be in school. I just feel like EVERYTHING takes so much time and EVERYTHING is important. I feel guilty that they have been eating complete junk for dinner that last few nights as I have planned Enrichment Meeting. They need healthy food so that they can have healthy bodies. I totally believe that! I also see other Mom's that have their children "dressed to the nines" and my kids clothes are getting faded and thread bare. They are so darn cute and I feel that they deserve better. On the other hand, I think it is good for them not to have everything and to learn what is really important and what is not.
I am also feeling like a boring Mom. Rachel said to me the other day, "Mom! I have been seeing lots of Halloween decorations at other people's houses! We need to put our decorations up!" What decorations? That is just not something I have spent any money on. I don't want my kids to miss out on Holidays because I was too cheap to pick up a couple of ghosts and scarecrows at the dollar store.
Then for my greatest concern . . . health. I am so afraid of Rachel getting sick again. She has been complaining about her stomach hurting and then this morning she said that her foot was hurting. It could be a stomach bug and her shoe could have rubbed her wrong yesterday and made it sensitive (she is missing a lot of cushion around that area). I just hate that my gut always wants to think the worst. I am also frustrated that with all of the habits that I want to have as part of my character are fleeting at best. AARG! Anyway, I will keep on trying! Until next time . . .
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
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would you mind if I added this blog to my blog fav list for my new website?
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how you feel....I feel the same way often but just don't have the guts to say it to the world. I have a hunch though that you're doing better at being a mom than you give yourself credit for today.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I have wondered lately if my life is starting to look like a fairy tale- on my BLOG! We are definitely blessed and are having awesome opportunities, but with those are also challenges and hard things that make me frustrated often. Really, there is much that I would love to share about the difficult things here, but I can't do it publicly on my blog (even if it's just stating how life is here) because it is offensive to members of the church, people at Adrian's work, and (just to be on the safe side) govt. Someday would love to fill you in more. In fact, next summer me and the kids are planning on spending 6 weeks or so by ourselves in Texas, so for sure a trip to Houston to visit friends will be happening! I think Brennan may need another tooth kicked out by then....