Identity Crisis

Last night I dreamt that I left my family and went back to college. It was such a liberating feeling. I remember that in my dream I took a long shower and spent a great deal of time primping. I attended a seminar/devotional and walked around all by myself. The strangest part about my dream is that my family was just "allowing" me this little break. My husband was taking care of everything in my absence.
Some days I really do want to go back to college, or even high school. I could be so selfish and no one really blamed me. Everything I did was for me. I did the things that I loved to do and I felt NO guilt whatsoever. I was thin (although I didn't know it). I could eat all kinds of junk food without paying for it at all! I actually had fun doing exercise and it was built into my daily schedule so I never even had to think about it. (I was on the dance team). My love life was exciting, my boyfriend was Romantic and I had fun things to do on the weekends!
These days I have to wait until after 8:30 p.m. to be selfish. Even then, there is guilt because there are always things that I "should" do. Not to mention, if I don't get to bed early enough then I will not have the energy to wake up early to exercise. Exercise is less than fun and something I have to do to try to lose weight. I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME even though I am almost certain that I get more sleep than I did in High School. I feel completely out of shape in every way.
Although there are many things that I would never want to go back and relive, I am sure that there are things about the here and now that I will look back on someday and not want to do over. I just hope that I am skinny, have energy, and have regained some of myself by then. Here is to hoping . . .

Arm Chair Parenting

My husband coined the phrase "arm chair parenting" today and I thought it was too good not to share. This is the kind of parenting you do with the least amount of effort from the comfort of your "arm chair." I was lying in bed today trying to take a nap and the kids would come in every few minutes with needs or complaints. I made them leave and shut my door and then I resorted to yelling things from the other room like, "say your sorry." "give him back his game." etc. I then complained about the fact that I was having to "deal with the kids" instead of take a nap like I wanted to. That is when he said, "all you were doing is arm chair parenting." We had a good laugh.

Giving up . . .

So . . . I have given up on flylady! I'm sure she is a wonderful person with some great ideas but I just don't have time to shine my sink people!!

She fed my super Mom complex and made me feel like I really could do it all! Not true. Maybe you can do it all but I cannot!

I've adopted a new way of doing things. It's called, "Do what you can and forget the rest." Brilliant, I know.

The trick with this new school of thought is letting go of guilt. You CANNOT have guilt for what you have not accomplished or it DOES NOT work!

My days have definitely been lighter.

Yesterday I finished a lot of laundry and did a whole lot of other things that I don't remember at the moment. Today, I vacuumed my stairs! I emptied my Trashcans! I swiffered my floors! I mopped my bathroom! . . . and of course all of the other mundane things that I usually do. I even managed to squeeze in a shopping trip just for fun! My trick? I felt like it.

Dangerous? Maybe. I have a lot of days that I don't feel like it.

My Dad shared a story with me that has turned out to have a lot of relevance.

"When he was young he had to weed the side of his house that was not sodded. This was a vast see of weeds that went on as far as the eye could see. (At least to his young eyes it seemed). Because he is a creative person, this chore was just too much! What a boring job, bend and pull, bend and pull. So, what did he do? He took out his trusty Hoe and divided the great rectangle that was his parents side-yard into a giant pie. He worked one sliver at a time until the whole pie was rid of it's green leafy topping. Some days, he would divide it into little squares, a patch work of ragweed and dandelions. After he was all finished, he would rake it into diagonal lines or throw in a couple of swirls just for kicks.

What is the relevance of this you ask?

Housework is my side-yard, and chores are my weeds. I can't pull the weeds the same way each time or my creative brain will suffer from stimuli starvation. Although I haven't figured out how to divide my house into a pie shape quite yet, I have given up on the bend and pull approach.

Here's to creative monotony!!!