Identity Crisis

Last night I dreamt that I left my family and went back to college. It was such a liberating feeling. I remember that in my dream I took a long shower and spent a great deal of time primping. I attended a seminar/devotional and walked around all by myself. The strangest part about my dream is that my family was just "allowing" me this little break. My husband was taking care of everything in my absence.
Some days I really do want to go back to college, or even high school. I could be so selfish and no one really blamed me. Everything I did was for me. I did the things that I loved to do and I felt NO guilt whatsoever. I was thin (although I didn't know it). I could eat all kinds of junk food without paying for it at all! I actually had fun doing exercise and it was built into my daily schedule so I never even had to think about it. (I was on the dance team). My love life was exciting, my boyfriend was Romantic and I had fun things to do on the weekends!
These days I have to wait until after 8:30 p.m. to be selfish. Even then, there is guilt because there are always things that I "should" do. Not to mention, if I don't get to bed early enough then I will not have the energy to wake up early to exercise. Exercise is less than fun and something I have to do to try to lose weight. I'm exhausted ALL THE TIME even though I am almost certain that I get more sleep than I did in High School. I feel completely out of shape in every way.
Although there are many things that I would never want to go back and relive, I am sure that there are things about the here and now that I will look back on someday and not want to do over. I just hope that I am skinny, have energy, and have regained some of myself by then. Here is to hoping . . .