Ugh!

There has been lots of positivity on here lately so here's some ugly truth . . . I'm GRUMPY!!! I didn't get enough sleep last night and I am DONE! I need all of my kids to be asleep and out of my hair, not splashing water all over my bathroom floor and yelling at the top of their lungs! Ugh!! Where is my Nanny when I need her?

Just over the next hill . . .

Dear Audrey, Rachel, Adam, and Claire,

I am writing this blog for you and today there is something that I want to say. I have had a sizable struggle with anxiety. It is not crippling as it can be for others but it is there nonetheless. I think every Mother has it in some degree. There is just something in me that has to worry. I worry about everything from the serious to the trivial to the completely illogical. Here is the point. It is not worth it to worry.
I have spent a great deal of time waiting; waiting for things to be more organized, life to slow down, for you to be older and more independant. Then, then I will have things together, I will have peace and stability and confidence. As time goes on, I am realizing that I will never arrive at any certain destination. Today may be all that matters. There are over a hundred cliches written on the matter, but for good reason.
There are always going to be reasons to worry. What is the cure for doubt and worry? FAITH. I used to think that having faith meant that I wouldn't worry because the bad thing that I was worried about wouldn't happen if I had faith. I am coming to understand that faith cures worry because we know that even if the bad thing does happen, it will be okay. We will find the strength to deal with what comes, the Lord will comfort us and teach us and we will come out on the other side stronger and wiser.
Having an eternal perspective is paramount to a happy life. Especially in this world of short sighted-ness. I am going to try to stop looking just over the next hill and start looking instead at the sunlight between the trees.
I hope that you will all have more faith than I. You will need it.

Weekend J.O.Y.

J- Today Adam was carrying in the groceries from the car for me and said, "Mom . . . look . . . I have BIG MUSCLE'S!" He is such a little man and just melts me:)

O- Enjoying a wonderful evening with my little family and our friends at the park. The weather was surprisingly nice for this time of year. I love to be outside.

Y- Kissing Claire's soft cheeks in the pool and watching her sheer delight as she mimicked her siblings and ate chips in her car seat!

I also enjoyed watching a movie with my older girls last night. It is so nice to snuggle their little bodies.

Today was a really good day. It is the kind of day that makes you grateful to be alive. I spend so much time worrying about what the future holds that I sometimes miss the here and now. Everything was perfect. The kids are Happy and Healthy, my marriage is strong. I know that life will bring us our fair share of trials and triumphs. I am just happy that I was blessed with today.

J- Playing with my Baby today on the floor in the piano room. Peak-a-boo, tickles, and lots of kisses!

O-I ate lunch today alone while listening to peaceful music. I actaully had the brain space to think!

Y- Got a lot of cleaning done and had a nice workout!

Guilty

I'll admit, I am a bit of a self help junkie. I get a lot out of these types of books. I don't read them cover to cover, I skim topics and find the ones that apply to me. While at Walgreens the other day I picked up "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff" 100 of the Best Inspirations from the Best Selling Series. I am really enjoying it:)

I came across this . . .


"We take simple preferences and turn them into conditions for our own happiness." ~Richard Carlson
Guilty as charged!!! I do this all of the time! I realized how profound this really is. I have preferences and I have a lot of them: I want to be thinner, I want my house to be clean all the time, I want to do fun things with my children, I want to have more free time, and on and on. How terrible that I have turned these things into actual conditions upon which my happiness is contingent! I will be happy when . . .

I'm going to stop it now!

Just for laughs!

We'll get the last laugh won't we!

J. O. Y.

Many many years ago, when I attended E.F.Y. (especially for youth) I had a counselor who challenged us to keep a joy journal. She asked us to write three things each day that brought us joy (one for each letter). I have done this on and off but I think that it is a nice concise way of keeping happy memories. So here we go again . . .

J- Enjoying a quiet afternoon with James. Adam was at his gymnastics Preschool, Claire was napping, the girls were at school, and I was enjoying a turkey sandwich, chips, and carrot sticks, compliments of my sweet husband.

O- Listening to Daddy singing "I once knew a boy named Bud Bud . . . " It is the worst song you have ever heard but it is oddly catchy. It goes on:

. . . who had big muscles

. . . who saved his sisters from a bear

. . . who saved his Mommy from a Tiger

etc. etc.

Adam gets so much delight in it and we laugh at James.

Y- Reading Harry Potter to the girls last night in my bed. I have never read the series and I am excited to read them with the kids this summer!

Here's a bonus one (yesterday was a good day).

-Listening to the rain and thunder and watching the lightening. Talking to James in candlelight when the power went out and being disappointed when the lights, TV, and computer all came back on!

Big Muscles!

Love it!

I wish something like this could really work!

UNCLE!

The last two weeks have brought parasites, ear infections, strep throat, and the stomach flu!

Uncle, I say uncle!




I feel like this wilting bouquet of once beutiful, thriving, flowers, bursting with color and smelling of sweetness: now just a shadow of what they once were, falling apart into pieces on my table and beginning to stink!

I also feel a little like this poor dead horsie on the girls bed (doesn't it look dead)?

. . . and the horsie's twin that has been burried by dirty clothes in the corner. (I definately feel like this one)

I am going crazy!!

I can't believe that we are back to this . . .

and this . . .

and this . . .

and this . . .

and still dealing with this . . .

(don't you think it's ironic that her throw up bucket says "party time")

(She just curled up like this on the floor)

Just two short weeks ago my house was clean EVERY DAY for 21 DAYS!!!

No more.

No more.

On another note: Don't you think this is cute??

(Mr. Clean because he ALWAYS has to have his face and hands clean)

Do you think it is bad for her to do this?

And here's to my Audrey, the only one who has remained Healthy! (the little stinker!)

Women

What's for Dinner?

I recently read that if you know what you are making for dinner that night in the morning, you will have a much less stressful day! Turns out . . . it's true! I waste a lot of time and subconscious energy on what we are going to have for dinner. "What do we have in the freezer? I could make______ . . . oh but I don't have_______. What about this? or that?" This goes on for hours and I never really solve the problem until I am making bean and cheese quesadillas (My go to meal) at 6:30!
Figure out what you are going to have in the morning right after the kids are off to school. It is so much quieter and you can take things out of the freezer or cook chicken and set it aside. An ounce in the morning is worth it's weight in gold between 5:00-6:00 p.m.! Am I right or am I right!!!

Magic Butt Balm

4 oz 40% zinc oxide (nighttime relief Desitin)
4 oz petroleum jelly
1 oz triple antibiotic ointment

Works like a CHARM!!

Embracing the jeans that "fit"

(No this is not my rear end)


I have had an epiphany that I really need to "embrace" the stage that I am in and quit "resisting" it.

This stage requires constant selflessness!

These are the days of making meals, forts, and play dates; wiping noses, counters and floors; changing diapers, attitudes, and sheets; fixing lunches, boo boos and broken hearts. These are the days of digging deeper, working harder, and sleeping less. These are the days of blisters and dry skin, wrinkles, house pants, and cellulite!

I remember once when I went shopping with a friend. We were trying on jeans and right there in the middle of the dressing room, she got down on the floor Indian style. When I asked her what in the world she was doing she said that she wanted to, "make sure that she could play with her kids comfortably in the jeans." What?!



I can't tell you what an example she was to me that day of where my heart should be. It wasn't about whether or not her backside looked good in the jeans or whether or not they were fashionable (although those things are important too:). It was important to her to be able to get down and play with her children.



So, here's to play dough and paper dolls, mac and cheese and McDonald's, finger paints and frilly socks, goldfish crackers and Goldilocks, crayola and captain crunch, baseball and blowing bubbles, Disney and dollies, PBS and peanut butter and jelly!

Priceless Habits

I recently FELL OFF THE WAGON!!! I STOPPED working out altogether! I was sick of the pressure and wanted to get to a place where I could work out because it was a healthy lifestyle choice and not for the sole purpose of losing the ten lbs that I need to lose.
I am happy to say that I am getting there. I started a 21 day challenge about 10 days ago that I read about on "Asking Jane." She says that it takes 21 days to really feel the effects of something in your life and 21 days to really form a habit.
I started off really well with two days in a row of getting up early to work out! I was really excited!! Then, life happened. Swimming in a sea of duties and getting buried by wave after tidal wave of endless, sleepless nights, I managed to drag myself out of bed three glorious mornings out of the five that I had set out for. I say glorious because they became my saving grace to set the tone for my attitude and energy for the relentless hours of WORK that I was having to do day in and day out! I learned again that for me, getting up and having time to myself did SO MUCH MORE for me than getting an extra hour of sleep!
I was tempted to start over with my 21 days but soon realized that doing so would result in sure failure. There are always going to be weeks like last week. The very fact that I pulled myself out of bed THREE times during that week has given me the confidence that during a normal week I can do five easy! So, here I am, day 10 and I have only missed two days - not too bad!
I am feeling the difference in my life, motivation is making its way back into my psyche and most importantly, I feel more in control. Now, I don't have to wait until the evening to get time to myself, I have it in the morning and at night! Try it! You won't be sorry!

MOMents

Yesterday was the kind of day that no one tells you about before you are a parent. It was the kind of day that included, parasites, diaper rashes, ear infections, total strip down and clean of the entire house, laundry, laundry, and more laundry, excessive hand washing, sore ankles, and the like. In these moments I am tempted to wish away this time in my life. I am being humbled and taught much about service and sacrifice. I am coming to realize that it is my privilege to serve my family. The mundane things that I do from day to day are truly testaments of love. I could very easily go about my duties begrudgingly, but doing so would be to miss out on a beautiful experience. The Savior truly loved and served those around him. He was not above any task, why should I be? What better way to learn this lesson than by being a Mother. I believe that it was by design that women be required this kind of service to learn charity and to share the love of the Savior to all those around them. In this light, there are so many small and simple things that are great rewards to me. Small and simple moments that my heart is open and filled. Moments like the following:



The way that Adam looks at me. He loves me so unconditionally and depends on me for everything. We have a special bond that was born of the difficulty that he has had with communicating. (Not to mention he is my only son) I was his only ally in life when no one else could understand him. He trusts me completely. Our time together each night before he goes to bed is so special to both of us. He is my little man. (That is me under there)

The sheer joy of interacting with my Baby. There is something so natural about the love that you feel for your baby. They are so innocent and everything is new to them. You provide them with everything they need on a daily basis. A baby fills your cup in a way that nothing else can.

Feeling their soft squishy skin, hearing their first attempts at words, listening to their babble, seeing the world through their eyes, watching them learn to roll over, crawl, stand, walk and then run! What an amazing learning process. Seeing the sense of accomplishment written all over their little faces.



Watching my oldest child grow up and become so many things that I have tried to teach and emulate and so much more. Watching her care for her younger siblings and assume the role of the oldest that I am so familiar with. Seeing her mature and think for herself. It's hard to describe.




Seeing my children develop their own personalities, their own likes and dislikes, their own thoughts, their own emotions. They are, after all, individuals, little adults. It is the ultimate curiosity. I can think of few things more fun, be it a trip around the world or a fancy career. Few things are more fun than watching in awe as your children become themselves.

Funny moments that make us all giggle. Giggling children are contagious no matter what kind of mood that you are in.



Watching the older ones literally blossom into beautiful young ladies. Watching their hair grow, their faces change shape, and their bodies get taller and thinner. Listening to them read and watching them write sentences and creative stories. It is incredible to see.

Seeing the love that my husband has as a Father for his children. Being able to give him that experience. There are no words.



Experiencing the ups and downs of this great adventure with my best friend in life. The looks that we give each other when we are at our wits end, the bursts of laughter when things could not get more chaotic, the sorrows and vulnerability we share when we are faced with trials, the happiness and joy we feel equally over our children, the day in and day out chores that we juggle, the dreams, the hopes, the memories.




Just this week . . .

It was a really hard week. I got very little sleep, I WORKED ALL. DAY. EVERY. DAY. These are just a few of the moments that I would have missed.


*The surprising amount of gratification and accomplishment I felt when Adam finally said the letter sounds for L and G. It was as if I had passed a major exam or gotten an enormous pay raise.*


*When Adam came to me and said, "Momma, I have sugar in my eyes." (sand from the park)*



*Adam running to me while I was in the shower shouting, "Flower Doctor!" It was the only way he could think of to tell me that there was someone at the door with flowers. (from my sweet husband - another moment I would have missed)*



*Rachel's best lie about what the nurse said when she allegedly went to the nurse at school. "Well, I'm just not quite sure what to do about that" in her best nurse voice.*



*Claire's cute little lips making out the shape of the word "Eeeew!"*



*Adam surprising me with the knowledge of all of his letter sounds! He calls every letter a G but knows all of the sounds. Shock!* The letter G says . . . A, The letter G says . . . Puh, the letter G says . . . Buh, The letter G says Cuh . . ." *

*The way that Adam reaches up with his little hand and very abruptly turns my face toward his when I am on the computer.*


*Rachel reasoning about the plan of Salvation or why we need to tell the truth. She is such a deep thinker and comes up with questions and thoughts that blow my mind.*


*The way that Audrey came in last night from her date with her Daddy to the Miller outdoor theatre filled with energy and actually beaming! She was sipping a soda out of an old fashioned bottle with a straw. Her hair with its blonde streaks was wind blown and long down her back. Her cheeks were rosie from the chill in the air. She looked and felt more grown up than I think I have ever seen her.*

There are many days that it does not feel natural for me to be a Mother. It is hard work and sometimes I have a terrible attitude. The more time that goes on, and the more that is required of me, I realize that this role is completely necessary for me in this life. There is not better way for me to learn to be humble, to learn to serve, and to learn gratitude.

I feel blessed to be a Mother!